I have had life happening around me and not having "time" to blog I don't write. I went to a movie tonight and out of nowhere a friend tells me of the death of a former co-worker. I had not heard about it and was stunned to hear it. (She immediately apologized for the sudden comment.) It's crazy that I take for granted that tomorrow will come.
I later found out she had breast cancer and it was pretty sudden. This was someone I would've have taken time to see had I heard she was sick and would have gone to the funeral if there was one. I have only gone to a small number of funerals in my life and one was a guy a few years older then me who had cancer. This cancer is an evil thing and has appeared throughout my life in other people. People have lived after they went through treatments and some have not. I have donated time & money to cancer research charities due to the events in my life. I wonder how close we are to finding a cure and pray we do.
These are the nights I wonder what I have brought to this world, will I live a long life or a short one? Derek always tells me he wants nothing after he dies and just wants to be cremated and thrown away. No funeral, no stories and no parties. I never really think about it. If I go before him I know he will burn me and tell no one I'm gone due to not wanting the attention.
Life happens around me and sometimes I am living it and other times I feel I get passed by. Tonight I feel nothing and wonder what is in store for me. Tonight I think. I know life will happen tomorrow whether I will partake of it or sit on the sidelines, I'm not sure
Right now I think sidelines, I'm not ready to play yet.
3 comments:
Cancer is crazy in the sense that everyone is affected by it. Everyone knows someone with it.
Do you want cremation or burial. Even if Derek bypasses the funeral or memorial services I think you family will still do something. It doesn't have to be big or elaborate, just a time for friends and family to have some closure. These things aren't for the dead, but the living.
I wonder if we can get in on a burn two get one free since Jon too wants to be cremated, though I think he now wants to be donated to science, which I'm coming around to, as in it's not in his will just yet and I still have a say. (J/K about the get one free. I'm trying to find humor in death.)
I agree with Andrea, funeral or memorial services are for the living and I want everyone to know what a wonderful sister you were/ are, since you're not dead yet, and I know there are people who will want to tell us, your family, how great you were/ are.
I wish you could have seen that co-worker before she died. Life is precious and you never know if you're going to stay in the abyss of sleep or wake up to see a beautiful morning. (Though I do believe in life after death and only think the abyss really applies in the since that you're lost from the mortal world.)
since should be sense. It's late.
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